Letting Go

The Meditation Newsletter

Have you ever seen an angry child laugh, then hesitate and get angry again, as though trying to cheer him up was some dirty trick? He clings to his anger, even though objectively it is a more painful state than laughing. Adults do this too, of course. We've just learned to hide our feelings better.

Perhaps if you are sad, for example, you secretly fight against anyone's suggestion that you cheer up. Why is that? The moment you almost smile, isn't the time for sadness over? Why hang onto the feeling?

Understanding Identification

Sometimes you identify with the feelings. Losing a strong feeling is losing your "self," in a way. It's easy to say that all sensations and emotions are only temporary. In fact, my favorite analogy is that our true identity is like the sky - clear and always there behind the clouds. The clouds, of course, are feelings. They form, dissipate, and drift by. Don't like the storm? Don't worry - all storms pass.

How To Let Go

Letting go begins with understanding. I'll cover identification more thoroughly in future issues, but you can begin now to watch and understand the transitory nature of your own feelings. See your feelings for what they are: temporary visitors.

Next, adopt a more useful perspective. As a child I learned that when I was in the midst of a crisis (which was often), I could step aside from the feelings a bit. I did this by imagining the whole drama from the perspective of five years in the future. Try it. When you are in a bad situation, recall a bad situation from the past, and then see that this too will be like that someday - a mere memory, without much emotion attached. I'll cover more healthy forms of detachment in future issues.

Do a meditation on impermanence. This was covered in the last issue. Sitting in silence, and seeing the coming and going of your feelings and bodily sensations, you become less attached to them. You more fully identify with your "true self" that exists like the sky beyond the clouds.

Change your self-talk. Stop saying "I am depressed," or similar things, even in your head. Learn to say "I feel depressed," or "The feeling of depression is passing through me," and the feeling will be less "real." Did you know that in Spanish you can't say "I am afraid?" You say "Yo tengo miedo," which is "I have fear." When you "are" something, it's harder to remember you can let go. When you "have" something, you are more likely to remember that you can stop having it.

You can learn to understand the process of identification on your own. See how it hurts you when your favorite pants rip, for example, as though they were a part of your body. You can also learn on your own how to let go of those feelings that cause you to suffer, starting with the tips above. If you need help. though, you can find this not only in the form of a teacher or spiritual coach, but also in good programs on Cd's or tapes.

Next Issue: Contemplating Your Own Death And Decomposition - Why?

Steve